One employee told his boss, “Sir, Increase my salary, I got married recently.”
The boss replied, “The Company cannot compensate for the accidents happened outside of the company.”
एक एम्प्लॉयी की तपस्या से खुश होकर भगवान ने उसे दर्शन दिए और कहा: मांगो वत्स, क्या चाहिए?
एम्प्लॉयी के मुंह खोलने से पहले ही भगवान टोकते हुए बोले: वत्स, तीन चीज़ें छोड़कर ही मांगना
1. सैलरी रिवीज़न के बारे में कुछ नहीं पूछना
2. प्रमोशन के बारे में कुछ नहीं पूछना
3. 6 बजे तक घर जाने के बारे में तो सपने में भी नहीं सोचना
अब मांगो क्या चाहिए?
एम्प्लॉयी : प्रभु, आपने दर्शन दिया, उसके लिए धन्यवाद।
मुझे वापस भी जाना है, काम अलग पेंडिंग हो गया आपके चक्कर में।
A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect.
Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, “I’m the Boss”.
He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. “Your wife called, She wants her sign back!”
Some official facts:
1.”We will do it” means “You will do it”
2.”You have done a great job” means “More work to be given to you”
3.”We are working on it” means “We have not yet started working on the
same”
4.”Tomorrow first thing in the morning” means “Its not getting done
“At least not tomorrow!”
5.”After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means “I have already decided, I will tell you what to do”
Frustrated professional life:-
HR:- kaha gaye the???
Employee:- Baal katwaane...
HR:- office hours me???
Employee:- Baal badhe bhi to office hours me hi hai na...
HR:- Ghar me rehte ho tab bhi to badhte hai na tumhare baal...
Employee:- Takla thori na kiya hai...
Jitne office me badhe the utne hi katwaaye hain.. tongue emoticon
.
पप्पू ऑफिस में लेट पहुंचा.
बॉस – “इतनी देर से क्यूँ आये ?”
पप्पू – “जी वो गर्लफ्रेंड को कॉलेज छोड़ने गया था … “.
बॉस – “शट अप ! कल से ऑफिस में टाइम से आना वरना तुम्हारी खैर नहीं .. समझे ?”
पप्पू – “ठीक है, अपनी बेटी को कल से खुद ही कॉलेज छोड़ देना … ”
*बॉस बेहोश*
Boss : There are 50 bricks on an aeroplane. If you drop 1 outside. How many are left?
Employee : That's easy, 49.
Boss : What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge
Boss : What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Close the fridge.
Boss : It's lion's birthday, all animals are there except one, why?
Employee : Because the deer is in the fridge.
Boss : How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?
Employee : She just crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday
Boss : Last question. In the end the old lady still died. Why?
Employee : Er....I guess she drowned....err...
Boss : No! She was hit by the brick fallen from the aeroplane. Thats the problem, you are not focused on your job....You may leave now!
Moral: 'No matter how much you know or how much you are prepared . If your Boss has decided to screw you then you are surely screwed.'
Before joining the company
Kitna maza aayega
Induction program
Oh! Itna kuch….
At Work
Yeh kya ho gaya???
Problem at work
Oye kidhar phans gaya
Increment please
Kuch toh de de re baba….
And finally
I Resign.
महिला कैशियर (बैंक मैनेजर से) – “सर मुझे एक महीने की छुट्टी चाहिए …. मुझे लगता है मेरी खूबसूरती कुछ कम हो चली है … !”
मैनेजर – “क्या मतलब ?”
कैशियर – “आजकल पुरुष ग्राहकों ने पैसे गिनकर लेने शुरू कर दिए हैं … !!”
Income tax officer gave tips to a young lady, “You should pay your income tax with smile.”
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The lady replied, “I have tried it thrice, but every time they insist on cash or cheque.”
Employee - Sir, Meri patni mere saath bahar jaana chahti hai, 5-6 days ki chutti chahiye.smile emoticon
Boss:- Nahi milegi. upset emoticon
Employee:- Shukriya sir...,
Jaanta tha musibat ke waqt aap hi kaam aayenge